POV: Life!

 

There are times when I want the third person perspective. I am especially curious to know what a person meeting me thinks of me, what do they look at, what judgement crosses their mind?

Judging someone by their appearance is not new and all of us are bound to do it. But for me, its not just the looks, the way someone carries themselves is what matters.

Due to this I have actively worked on myself, to carry myself the way I want to perceive or be perceived.

I have heard terms like – ameer log, high maintenance for myself and I am left somewhat wondering the reason for these adjectives to be related to me.

So I do get curious, what does this person think of me. When I walk the street, disdain on some people’s faces, the trajectory of their eyes quite clear to me.

First, they see the face and if I do say myself it is a conventionally charming, not so average face. The body – well that can be one point. The moment these set of eyes trail down looking at my legs settling on my knock knees. No guesses what one might be thinking, if nothing else mostly it will be indifference or pity or just a pitiful remark in one’s mind.

Those who I speak with, close with or speak in passing they see the face, the body yes but they see my work and appearance as well.

As I said, over the years I have learnt to be presentable enough in my own simplistic elegance (look at me being my own mithoo). I have the privilege of staying in a comfortable home with my family and drive a nice car. All thanks to my parents, of course.

Speaking as a 39 year old single woman staying with your parents who not only respect your individuality but also try to learn if you raise a grievance, I have come to realize this life that I have is a luxury for many and I mean all genders.

So when looking from the outside, I realize many would think and I would say so myself – Oh! What a bloody easy life (God Bless and willing: Buri nazar waale tera muin kaala).

But did it start that way, no. Was it always a breeze for me: Hell no.

Let me be clear, my starting point has always been relatively easy and I realize that. But did that make it easier to deal with some of my melancholic / depressive / lazy ass in built characteristics – for my parents, sure as hell: NO.

What changed?

Something clicked when I shifted schools from CBSE to open schooling (story for some other day).

Then again click click when I moved to India, leaving a city like Dubai where in was my ultra comfort zone, that being extroverted people adopting the highly introverted me as their pet friend and I living a passively satisfying life.

Took one shift to india, years of a job search and a culture shock at every juncture for me to realize the people here were not as welcoming as the people back home in Dubai. Here each for your own, either you talk for yourself or no one talks for you: so to say adopts you as a introverted pet friend.

Not to mention, I was tired of passively passing through life, I wanted the front seat to my own life. The work it took and embarrassing moments that brought me to where I am today are plenty.

And no, I am not going to go word by word on those embarrassing stories, those are for me and my god when I face him and ask: Babaaaaa yeh maine kya kiya. Lol.

Point being, it was not easy but it was not difficult, I found that once I had made up my mind and took 1 step towards changing or rather upgrading some parts of my personality, the universe opened doors for me.

With each step I took I grew within myself. Now, when I tell someone I am a high functioning introvert, they are taken aback by this claim of mine.

What did this make me realize?

When we hold up ourselves accountable and act towards our requirements / goals / needs whatever they maybe, the universe responds like no other friend would.

What helped?

Supportive family, background or rather the foundation in my life of Satsang or as I refer to it: Spiritual psychology, my faith in my god translated to my faith in myself.

Was it easy?

Maybe at the time it would have been uncomfortable but when I look back all I can say is easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Hindsight changes so much of the perception on life.

My POV:

Yes, life is easy but am I without grievances and regrets. No.

Got some news buddy, no one is.

Take away:

All of us, no matter where we started or are currently are doing the best possible for our lives.

Reason for the curiosity for onlookers:

Chull… As simple as that. Chull for observations and understanding.

Final thoughts:

This lazy yet curious soul is grateful for the life given and wishes everyone had it easy.

But we all get our starting points, what we do not get is a right to judge someone else.

No matter, I will work towards living a full life.