They say your parents are aging, be mindful of them and conscientious towards them.
Be gracious
for all they have given you in your life.
And mostly,
95% at least I am. I lie, its 99%. The 1 % there is that hurts, because guess
what, even I am aging…
The
difference? They are 20 odd years ahead and have experienced more of the world.
I am as
proven behind and yet to experience the full world. Though I doubt anyone
experiences a full world. We experience a “full” world from our lens only so
that may technically be an incorrect term.
Anyhoo, the
point being: Yes, the parents are aging and as they grow old they become rigid
with some ideas and beliefs. Its either their way or the highway. From what I hear,
its almost always the case with certain parents, aging or not.
Back to the
point, I am lucky enough to have conscientious parents and I thank god daily
for this blessing bestowed only. But does that mean I am satisfied?
Nope!
Why?
Maybe, because
I am a freaking human and I will always crave for more.
The point
being, I understand that with aging certain challenges arise and am seeing that
happen in front of my eyes. When I counter an incorrect argument or defy
something I do not have patience for, or be a plain cranky big ass baby, my question
is this:
Yes, parents
are aging and so are we? Especially in an Indian setting and when you are a 30
above unmarried woman wanting to live life on her terms. You live with your family,
you ensure everyone is comfortable with your choices and yet when you want to
indulge in something you have to be answerable for that.
When does
it stop? Will it ever? Parents keep saying you will always be our baby, but the
same parents are throwing you into the world and making you work for things you
want to indulge in and then when they do not agree with the said indulgence the
emotional blackmail / lecture is set to come your way.
If you don’t
listen, do not think you need to point your forth as well ( since you are a grown
ass adult) you are taken as a cranky person. If you put forth your point, you
end up explaining and draining the energy so much more than required.
The things
is, I have come to realize there is a middle way, one which you can take and
that depends on your situation, but something you made up.
Because there
will be days when its ugly, days where its pretty, when its all just right and
a day when it will all be gone. Then, you will be left hanging and yearning for
those days and contemplating why did you ever waste so much time despising
those days, the ugly will look pretty that far off.
And what do
you do then? You just wait out the days and make the best of your life. If you’re
lucky and in your next life you have an upgraded version of these days, of the protection
you once lost, you are in for a treat. Otherwise, you are done.
That’s pretty
far off. What does writing or thinking about it achieve for me?
I get to make
a silent decision, let me have these days while I can: the ugly, the good and just
right ones. Let me take some more advantage of the protection that I have been
blessed with while I can.
Let me just
for this ones be cranky because until my parents are there I do not have to be
a rightful adult. I can be a cranky ass grown up woman demanding the world now
to me.
Only because right now I have the luxury to be what I can and how I want it to be.
