Introversial to Overstimulation

Feeling overstimulated!

I am in essence an introvert for whom looking any person in the eye was a very challenging task until I knew them really well. I am the kind who would be “taken under the wing” by an extroverted friend and would see the world through their lens.

And at some point, in life a switch went on which said this ‘gotta’ change babe.

Nothing hurts more than realizing that you will always be second in someone else’s life (especially if they are your first priority), worst is knowing you will be last for everyone around (except your family).

That’s when it hits: You can be first only in your own life and build around that.

That does not mean you gather a bunch of followers to make sure you are first in everyone’s life. That will be a cult and not a friend group built on equality and mutual respect unfortunately.

Why is it important and enough to be ‘first’ in your own life?

Because this means you will always end up making the best possible decision for yourself no matter what the world says.

If it’s elders in family guilt tripping you to accept a ‘rishta’ which will never come again OR anyone trying to force / project / impose their feelings unto you by manipulating you in the name of ‘psychology’ – worse – “body language”.

Gradually you tend to find your footing, navigating these tricky situations, getting your family on your side and living with some necessary ‘evils’, if required to get your way around this world.

Does it mean I am selfish? Maybe so. Am I guilty of it? No. Why?

It is because of one core belief that I follow from my highly introvert to today’s high functioning introvert days – Simple thinking, peaceful living since other is hell.

Be yourself, true. But be your most conscientious true self to the best of your ability at any given point in time. In other words, know that every action has an equal and opposite reaction: Awareness at all times.

This has helped me reach where I am today, mentally. Going to a book club and mingling with a group of strangers over coffee and books. Learn about film community in action and get excited for new experiences, actually living them. This was never who I thought I would be but very much wanted to be so.

I feel a high like no other, overstimulation and a need to isolate, watch brain rot all at the same time. But all this is worth it, to see this version of me which was once a distant dream.

All because I had one clear goal once that switch went on: I want to create my own world. Oh, how life has responded to me with open arms.

Of course, it has been a rocky road with complaints, queries, compliments and even suggestions for the universe. Even requests to rewind time (too many sci fi and Kdramas I guess). But I would not trade today for anything.

So much more to come and I feel so ready.

But first thing first – Isolation mode loading!