A past to hold on...

There is a memory in the bylanes
Waiting to pounce on me every time something happens,
A past that I hold onto no matter how much I try to let go
A past which is a part of my life and taken away from me,
Every time a glimpse of it threatens tears in my eyes
A past which I so dearly want to hold onto but have no choice.
I wish I could be there again playing, laughing, reading and chatting away with friends,
Oh there is so much to say but no words to express what I feel.
A past I yearn for in the present while I pray for a better future,
A past that I so dearly hold onto...

THAT's JUST LIFE AFTER ALL: Dear Big Bro/ Bbbbhhhhaaaiii...

THAT's JUST LIFE AFTER ALL: Dear Big Bro/ Bbbbhhhhaaaiii...: Well at the risk of sounding cheesy, which i don't mind as of now, i dedicate this post to my bro who is out of country for work and co...

Dear Big Bro/ Bbbbhhhhaaaiii...

Well at the risk of sounding cheesy, which I don't mind as of now, I dedicate this post to my bro who is out of country for work and couldn't make it here... Well that's irritating to say the least but I know it's for good reason and figured since I couldn't tie it to him why not make a post for him :)...
So, My dear Bro what to say for you that you don't know about yourself ;)...

One thing I would like to start with is to say thanks to you for reminding me in your own direct and indirect way that you care about me, that you worry about me, it reassures me every time that you're are always there for me no matter what, even if I don't face you when I pass by your place so that you don't see the murder, the frustration, the irritation and the confusion for those feelings mingled together in my eyes so as not to worry about me, but you surprise me by noticing that gesture and knowing that I would never do so and worrying about me and in that small gesture reassuring me as always... Thank You, words aren't enough :)...

I remember there being a time when I was a child wishing that I had an elder brother who would take care of me, protect me, be there for me and not having one left me sad, where ever I did put my hope in that place I would get to see that it was no use to hope. Tying Rakhi was something I waited for every year and was excited until some events did open my eyes and actually left me not wanting to, doesn't mean I thought of or loved anyone less, anyhoo, it wasn't much for me until Bhai Dhuj would come and there was a younger brother I would see and treat as my own brother.

Then came the day years later when I tied Rakhi on you're wrist for the first time, I don't remember what day it was or what age I was or how it came to be, I just remember that day as per my feelings, what I saw with my eyes. I remember feeling a bit uncomfortable tying rakhi on your wrist as I had always seen you as a friend and never a brother and based on past experience's I wasn't much enthusiastic about it as I never thought I could have a brother I wanted but I tied it to you as you had always been there so I did it.

Well, as time passed I started looking forward to the day so I could tie you rakhi, with time and with experience I came to see you as a brother not because I had to but because I saw that you were truly my brother not because you had to be but because you wanted to be, well if that sentence makes sense to you then all the more better. Lols. I remember on one of my birthday feeling dejected and angry because you hadn't come to wish me or wished me anyhow, don't remember which one was that but it was a long time ago and you were THERE, so know that I had actually made up my mind NEVER to speak to you again. I guess I had kept to much expectations from you without realizing or knowing your situation or mindset, I was being stupid after all. But then you called and I came to my mind. I am actually happy for that day as when I think of it that was the day I truly and wholeheartedly came to see you as my brother and the important lesson of never to have expectations which is a good thing and there's been no turning back.

Well, I had and have thought of many things I truly desire and of them was a brother. I never had the brother that I wished for instead got a Brother I never thought I could or deserved to have.
So Thank You dear brother for always being there whether I know or not. For being irritated with my choice and almost fighting with me to drop it but at the same time understanding what I want and what I need to do and supporting me. I know that you're there for me and I know you know but let me say this out aloud right now I will always be there for you no matter what and will always wish for you to get all the success and happiness that you deserve. Thank You from the bottom of my heart for showing me that more than the blood that we do not share, Its the bond of Rakhi, the bond of souls as a Brother and Sister that matters more than anything else. I love you and you will always hold a special place in my Heart (as long as you get me good gifts, JOKING, no I am not, YES I AM...), hehehe... Well you know... :p

This Dear Big Bro or Bbbbhhhaaaiii is my gift for you. Well we will be waiting here with your Rakhi to tie on your wrist the moment we get the chance... Hehe...

HAPPY RAKSHABANDHAN :D :D :D :D

P.S.: As I'm not a very vocal person in regards to my feelings and rarely do voice them, don't mind when I do meet you and feel a bit awkward... Lols... ;)

Your Loving Sister

A lifetime ago...

A lifetime of knowing someone
And one day they are just gone,
Twelve days of rituals to mark the life that was once led,
Yesterday they were here
Today they are not,
Memories which feels like a lifetime ago,
Makes me wonder whether it was a dream I saw or was it real,
No matter how many days friends and family cry or not it's not about the count,
What it is about are the lives touched by the life once led and whether you cry or not the beautiful and pure memories will remain with you in your heart and head...
A tribute to the lives once led,
No matter what but you are the ones who taught us how to Tread...

Where's ME...

I live like you
I see like you
I love like you
I hate like you
I think like you
I breathe like you
I wanna be like you

But here and there's only You,
Where's the Me that I wanna Be.

I still wanna live like you
I still wanna see like you
I still wanna love like you
I still wanna hate like you
I still wanna think like you
I still wanna breathe like you
I still wanna be like you

But I wanna do it my own way like you once did and still do.

THAT's JUST LIFE AFTER ALL: Yes, No & ME

THAT's JUST LIFE AFTER ALL: Yes, No & ME: There has been Good There has been Bad There is Yes There is No There was Acceptance There was Rejection But there is & always wi...

Yes, No & ME

There has been Good
There has been Bad
There is Yes
There is No
There was Acceptance
There was Rejection
But there is & always will be
MY LORD who's been & always will be with me.

So those who accepted me for what I am
I appreciate, respect & thank you from the bottom of my Heart;
As for those who rejected me for whatever reason be I thank you as well,
For it us you because of whom today I am a stronger ME.

Just Timepass...

Wow, nice one... 2 + 1/2 posts in one day, now THAT's SOMETHING...

QUEEN

Just saw the movie QUEEN and loved it. The movie revolved around Rani (queen) the protagonist is a typical Indian middle class punjabi girl who is preparing for her wedding with her love Vijay who decides to cancel the marriage just 3 days before the wedding.

Taken aback and shattered she decides to not giving up on her dream of seeing another country and leaves for Paris on her honeymoon alone. There she meets Vijayalakshmi (Lisa Hayden) a free spirited waitress at the hotel she's staying in who also has a son with her boyfriend and befriends her, she is exposed to a whole new world where you can express what you feel, do what you want, be what you want to be without any judgement from anyone. This is where her journey to finding herself, her voice starts.

From there she leaves for Amsterdam and goes to a Backpacker hostel where booking is made for her by vijayalakshmi. There she comes to know that she has to share a room with 3 boys. Initially hesitant at first she decides to go for it. What follows is the most amazing example of friendship between 4 people from different parts of the world.

Her journey to find herself, to get her voice back is nicely portrayed with an unconventional and the most happening ending for me.

Yes, this is in many ways a true story and holds true for all of us in some way or the other. It's not just Rani's journey that's being potrayed, it's our journey. We don't and we shouldn't feel bad or blame ourselves for someone else's mistake.

Being a girl, a woman is our pride not our weakness. So its fine to be me, to accept me as i am and live my dream. That's what the film tells us, and i completely agree with it.

We don't need to change ourselves for anyone, but change our self if and when required for improvement not anything else and be completely acceptable of ourselves and our strengths and weaknesses, at the same time try to strive and improve where needed.

Everyone of us is a QUEEN, and we need to find that queen within us ourselves.

 Kudos to the director Vikas Bahl and the rest of the cast and crew for such an amazing film.

COLLECTIVE MENTALITY vs MORALS

I have been having a good time lately, thanks to the job i have been enjoying immensely.  Being a trainer that too a Language trainer is not a easy task but its all worth it nevertheless.

I have started developing some political views or rather started being more politically aware as opposed to before.

I think i had mentioned in one of my last blogs something about being a responsible citizen/netizen, the reason why i am bringing this up is because just yesterday i saw an example of irresponsible citizen.

After office hours i was out shopping with my colleague/friend on FC Road, the hub of collegians and all things happening. Had a yummy special mix dry fruit kulfi and was hanging around while she was busy looking at some stuff.

Naturally i didn't want to throw the stick off on the road and was looking for proper disposal when i asked the shopkeeper of the shop we were at for a bin to which he nicely replied that i could throw the stick off on the road where the two wheeler's (scooter's) were parked. I just looked at him saying WHAT and he casually goes on to reply that "how to save some money its better to ask the maid to throw the trash on road rather than pay the sweeper to have it properly disposed." I just went on looking at him, not believing my ears and he just continues to say "Yeh rastaa hi humara kachre ka dabaa hai" (this road here is our dustbin). To which i sarcastically replied "yes why not, continue to make it dirty" and the nerve of him, he was ready to defend himself had i pursued the matter but chose not to.

I can't get this incident out of my mind. To most of you this might be a small matter, a trivial thing but for me getting a closer look on this collective psyche of my people was an eye opener.

There have been many programs, campaign's of awareness one of which includes Aamir Khan's Satyamev Jayate, which is an absolutely outstanding take and views on the nitty gritty of the country, which have raised awareness to some extent.

But all this is futile if people just want to go on the way they want, treating everyone and our beloved country as trash for which govt employees and resources are available to make do with it.

We all want change but choose nothing to do about it. If another does something we try to drag them down. Why this psyche?

Are there no morals in people even for something as small or big as this?? We say we were once a great nation and now nothing can be done to achieve it, but what if everyone of us strive to be great not in money or just our jobs but in our individual duties towards our city, our nation as well.

While in school we are told about our Fundamental Rights and Duties as a citizen, out of which we just retain our Fundamental Rights doing away with our Duties because maybe someone somewhere is there to fulfill that.

Collectively that's our perception/psyche/view. But there is no one anywhere if we have our Rights we have our Duties as well which is only our responsibility as a citizen. If we want something we must have the balls to work for it, towards it.

So in essence if we want our Country to be great we have to work for it, together, as the people of this Great Nation, where no one's common or ordinary we all are uncommon, extraordinary more than we ourselves realize.

It's not just the RIGHT Govt or Candidate which we need to Vote For, its also about bringing the RIGHT change in our Thoughts/ views/ psyche as an individual, as a citizen of OUR GREAT NATION.

Let me be the change i want to see in my Country.

TO BE IS TO HOPE...

So, had an almost fight with my brother, as he's not very happy with my choice of study center. But, i held my ground and kind of let him know that i was going to stick with my decision, no matter what the result. I don't think he liked it very much, i mean i know he loves me, wants to protect me and wants the best for me.

But my dear brother, i wish i could say it upfront so that you know and you could understand, that i love you, respect you, believe in you with all my heart, i have always looked up to you, looked at you for suggestions and advice's whenever i have needed one. But that's the thing, i have always been dependent on you or other loved ones to show me the right way, i have never chosen one. I have always depended on you all to tell me the difference between right and wrong, always left the most crucial decisions on you all so that i can be comfortable. This has got to change now, i have to stand up for my own good and fight for it if i need to, and this can only be done once i learn to get uncomfortable and make decisions for myself, take charge of myself.

I have blindly trusted my loved ones around me and always doubted myself, for once, i have to blindly trust myself so that i can gain the confidence i need, the lesson that i need. I hope and pray that no matter what everything turns out for the best.

My dear brother, being me, its always difficult to say it out loud what i am feeling, hence this post dedicated to you, is to let you know how much i love and respect you, how much i don't want to ever let you down, but for my sake do understand, that i need to do this, to have something of my own, decided by me, executed and implemented by me.

Its time to change, its time to stand up, to be me, and for that i have get out of that "too comfortable zone" and be uncomfortable, to make the decisions that i need to and go through with it. Not to mention that i realize that this is a three part courage and one part fool decision, but that's what life requires of us at times.

One thing i know is that no matter what today is, tomorrow will be better. And one thing that i will always have is, to thank god is for such wonderful family, extended family and friends without whom i wouldn't be here today. So, THANK YOU BABA, LOVE YOU.

Who Am I ??

So, i know that its been quite some time since i have visited let alone updated this space, but better late than never. I was just reading my previous posts and felt like a totally different person has written it, LITERALLY.
I wont lie but the reason for me not visiting and updating the blog is because of late i have been feeling lost completely, not knowing what to do with my life and even if i know what i want to do, i dont know the way to get there. So, i joined these PD classes as in personality development to have some clarity along with business english to polish myself a bit more.
Anyway, coming to the point my lecturer asked me to look in the mirror and ask myself WHO AM I, hence, the title. The purpose is to say or write down what i see in the mirror. He asked me to write down pointers and instead when i sat down to think about it, i wrote a 3 page essay on the title. So, here it is for you guys to read and for me to judge, i hope it helps you as much as it helps me.

WHO AM I??

When i see in the mirror i see a pretty ( not stunningly beautiful, i agree) face, good chocolaty brown eyes, a good figure (still working towards a nice one) and a person so different from someone 10 years back.
But how did i come to be here, when there was a time that for me i was the ugliest person on the face of god's green earth.
Is my face pretty because of some beauty product, but i don't use any. My skincare routine consists of a face cream and wash or some home remedies, that's about it. They surely don't make you like Deepika Padukone. The eyes, how did they come to be so good & reflect me as i have always wanted when all they were once was a disadvantage because of the colour or not the right shape or like the then Aishwarya Rai.
No, this surely can't be the work of any skincare product i know or the lasik operation i got done.
It's the journey through the years that's changed me, the various experiences though not huge but big enough for me. The little miracles within myself which i have witnessed everyday by the hand of God, those small little happenings that changed me & made me what i am today.
So today when i look in a mirror i see a totally narcissistic person or a caterpillar who was cocooned in a web of negativity to this butterfly who blossomed and came out to be this positive person, a person who wants to live and experience life to the fullest and not because she was dropped here and now has no other option. I want to be FREE. I want to be Me to my BEST.
Yes, the eyes still reflect some of the incompleteness, uselessness that i feel but they also reflect the Belief, the Faith i have in my BABA through which i believe that this all will pass, i will get a way and will travel it, i just need to be open to opportunities and grab them.
So to summarize if you ask who am i, my  answer will be: Yes, i am a daughter, a sister, a student, a friend, a responsible citizen but most of all i am a person who isn't afraid to dream wonderful dream, to have hopes for herself, to believe in a better and a much greater future instore for her, and who believes and has immense faith that when the time comes those hopes, dreams, belief's will be fulfilled, she just has to keep going on the path, the journey in the end will be PAISA WASOOL fulltoo, no matter what people around her or the society says.

THAT'S JUST ME AND WHAT I AM, SO BETTER LIVE WITH IT.