TO BE IS TO HOPE...

So, had an almost fight with my brother, as he's not very happy with my choice of study center. But, i held my ground and kind of let him know that i was going to stick with my decision, no matter what the result. I don't think he liked it very much, i mean i know he loves me, wants to protect me and wants the best for me.

But my dear brother, i wish i could say it upfront so that you know and you could understand, that i love you, respect you, believe in you with all my heart, i have always looked up to you, looked at you for suggestions and advice's whenever i have needed one. But that's the thing, i have always been dependent on you or other loved ones to show me the right way, i have never chosen one. I have always depended on you all to tell me the difference between right and wrong, always left the most crucial decisions on you all so that i can be comfortable. This has got to change now, i have to stand up for my own good and fight for it if i need to, and this can only be done once i learn to get uncomfortable and make decisions for myself, take charge of myself.

I have blindly trusted my loved ones around me and always doubted myself, for once, i have to blindly trust myself so that i can gain the confidence i need, the lesson that i need. I hope and pray that no matter what everything turns out for the best.

My dear brother, being me, its always difficult to say it out loud what i am feeling, hence this post dedicated to you, is to let you know how much i love and respect you, how much i don't want to ever let you down, but for my sake do understand, that i need to do this, to have something of my own, decided by me, executed and implemented by me.

Its time to change, its time to stand up, to be me, and for that i have get out of that "too comfortable zone" and be uncomfortable, to make the decisions that i need to and go through with it. Not to mention that i realize that this is a three part courage and one part fool decision, but that's what life requires of us at times.

One thing i know is that no matter what today is, tomorrow will be better. And one thing that i will always have is, to thank god is for such wonderful family, extended family and friends without whom i wouldn't be here today. So, THANK YOU BABA, LOVE YOU.

Who Am I ??

So, i know that its been quite some time since i have visited let alone updated this space, but better late than never. I was just reading my previous posts and felt like a totally different person has written it, LITERALLY.
I wont lie but the reason for me not visiting and updating the blog is because of late i have been feeling lost completely, not knowing what to do with my life and even if i know what i want to do, i dont know the way to get there. So, i joined these PD classes as in personality development to have some clarity along with business english to polish myself a bit more.
Anyway, coming to the point my lecturer asked me to look in the mirror and ask myself WHO AM I, hence, the title. The purpose is to say or write down what i see in the mirror. He asked me to write down pointers and instead when i sat down to think about it, i wrote a 3 page essay on the title. So, here it is for you guys to read and for me to judge, i hope it helps you as much as it helps me.

WHO AM I??

When i see in the mirror i see a pretty ( not stunningly beautiful, i agree) face, good chocolaty brown eyes, a good figure (still working towards a nice one) and a person so different from someone 10 years back.
But how did i come to be here, when there was a time that for me i was the ugliest person on the face of god's green earth.
Is my face pretty because of some beauty product, but i don't use any. My skincare routine consists of a face cream and wash or some home remedies, that's about it. They surely don't make you like Deepika Padukone. The eyes, how did they come to be so good & reflect me as i have always wanted when all they were once was a disadvantage because of the colour or not the right shape or like the then Aishwarya Rai.
No, this surely can't be the work of any skincare product i know or the lasik operation i got done.
It's the journey through the years that's changed me, the various experiences though not huge but big enough for me. The little miracles within myself which i have witnessed everyday by the hand of God, those small little happenings that changed me & made me what i am today.
So today when i look in a mirror i see a totally narcissistic person or a caterpillar who was cocooned in a web of negativity to this butterfly who blossomed and came out to be this positive person, a person who wants to live and experience life to the fullest and not because she was dropped here and now has no other option. I want to be FREE. I want to be Me to my BEST.
Yes, the eyes still reflect some of the incompleteness, uselessness that i feel but they also reflect the Belief, the Faith i have in my BABA through which i believe that this all will pass, i will get a way and will travel it, i just need to be open to opportunities and grab them.
So to summarize if you ask who am i, my  answer will be: Yes, i am a daughter, a sister, a student, a friend, a responsible citizen but most of all i am a person who isn't afraid to dream wonderful dream, to have hopes for herself, to believe in a better and a much greater future instore for her, and who believes and has immense faith that when the time comes those hopes, dreams, belief's will be fulfilled, she just has to keep going on the path, the journey in the end will be PAISA WASOOL fulltoo, no matter what people around her or the society says.

THAT'S JUST ME AND WHAT I AM, SO BETTER LIVE WITH IT.