This
inconsequential thing is what allows you to sustain a lifestyle, dignity of a self-led
life and demand more from life. Once it may have held consequence in your life
in your quest to gain a semblance of life in a new city.
Now with the
years gone by, with the ups and downs, working through burnouts, facing insecurities
and trying to overcome them, same people by your side, you feel you have grown
out of a space and the mindset, mostly the income as well.
However,
you are reluctant to replace this. The complacency, the comfort and the known
now scaring you, what scares you more is the other side. The unknown: What
happens after this? Am I able to recover from this, replace the income which
allowed me a sovereignty over my own life like no other?
These
questions, can lead to a sort of mental paralysis and take my attention from the
action to be taken.
That is
exactly what has been happening. One thing AI is helpful in, is the fact that I
can write out my feelings to understand what I am going through. Also helped in
getting some answers.
Truthfully,
I was aware what I am going through but feared it was ‘fear’ holding me back.
Which now I understand is also me being practical. I am 39 after all, not a 25-year
fresher. Of course, I have had my time laying back but that time, I was too
busy day dreaming to think about life OR what actually I want in life.
Now, I just
know I am growing out of the space that I once inhabited and it is not enough
to hold me, mentally or financially.
But to grow
out of somewhere, I may need to plan my steps, baby steps in fact. I am a work
in progress I know, I am trying to make a way for myself that is for myself. To
maintain my dignity and respect, not that the place does not give me so. Just
that I have started valuing my sovereignty more than anything else.
You know
the feeling get, it time to leave certain spaces and people behind. While I feel
I may have been dragging on in a place where it is no longer required.
What do I do
to get myself out of the rut that complacency creates? Can I just make rash decisions
or take calculative steps that reflects my lived experience?
Will I be
able to fully grow out of this constraint that I myself have created in the
attraction of the comfort offered and create a space for myself which is mine,
created for me?
Can I come
back here and happily report a change and growth I did foresee, but this time
was brave to take the steps required?
I have,
technically, 361 days to secure a pass report… don’t I?
Checking
back 2027!
